I'm Perfect

No comments needed thank you.

I went to see my midwives on Monday and like usual, I had my list of worries. My most recent has been the position of the baby. As far as I know I have a hyperactive supper-ball in my belly and it could be in any position at any given time due to its constant movement.

I have come to the conclusion that there are no victories with children. I could go on to write best sellers and achieve Billy Graham status touring the planet, but I will never win with my child. We had gotten the good news that the baby was head down at our last appmnt. Which having been breach myself (as well as my mother) I took this as a huge answer to prayer – only to find out that there are so many more “position issues” to take into consideration.

Irregardless if the baby is head down, if it is facing forward (ie the same direction you are) labor is supposedly much harder and longer and you get “back labor” and so on and so forth. Oh but the baby cant be just facing backwards either – oh no, it has to have its back in the front in between your left hip (everything I was reading kept going back and for between right and left and I got so confused “my right or your right?” “left?”) and your belly button, with the head down and the legs curled up under your right rib. This is the exact position to give you PERFECT labor (and a shorter birth all together).

Who could blame me for wanting this?

So through my reading there was a positive, that if your baby is not in this ideal spot, (which I am told is determined by the shape of your uterus and the tendons that support it…..tendons that solidify there strength and elasticity while YOU are a child – so here I am thinking that I’ve been F’ed since first grade – why does no one know there things?) that you could turn, or persuade the baby into the right one by certain postures and exercises.

So I started these maneuvers immediately and irregardless of knowing where my baby really was.

But! Of course, there is always the disclaimer that 1) these awkward movements that make you look like a retard at work (yeah, I did them ALL day) don’t have a guarantee that every baby will turn because of them and 2) a good percentage of babies will sit in one spot the last couple of months with out a notion to budge and then will flip around and upside down once labor begins “knowing the optimal position for it’s best delivery”.

Are you kidding me?

So to make an even longer drawn out post a tad bit shorter:

My midwives felt up my baby and said that it (at least in that specific moment) was in a perfect position  - something I questioned them about to see if they were just placating me to quit worrying- (which we had our first birthing class on Sunday, the day before seeing our midwives,  and I brought up the issue of position and all my plights and the instructor was incredibly supportive by saying that “worrying is the work of pregnancy” – Right. Thanks. Other than that it was a good class. M thought it to be a bit esoteric, but I reminded him that if all goes as planned I very well will be birthing his child on his mom’s kitchen floor – we are in hippyvill, get used to it. )

So my baby was in the best positions and they let me know that I was in the “Perfect Pee Club” (getting all my vitamins)

So until my next wave of “pregnancy work” hits I have absolved to continue praying my but off as my belly gets bigger and rely on the ballet class that I took at age four to have “perfectly” aligned my tendons.