Heads Up – I’m having a Home Birth

So my beloved and I took in a bit of the mall this weekend in search of fat- I mean maternity clothes. Our first stop was the Motherhood store, not so much impressed. (I proceeded to have a on-sided conversation with M about how I want to dress the same now, and for the next couple of months, as I did when I wasn’t prego – so why don’t designers know this and make it available to me??)
So we ventured on down the rows of shops to Pumpkin Patch. Long story short – they were clearancing out their maternity items so I got some good deals, and we also purchased out first clothing peaces for our offspring.
This leading to my story and therefore rant of the day:
When getting to the counter to ring up our items, the salesperson was (of course) pregnant herself. We chatted a bit about that these are both our first children, yada yada, and then she asked
“So where are you having it?”
“My living room”
Eyes pop out of head and uses a level of volume far too inappropriate for public-
“WHAT?”
“I’m having a home birth.”
“WOW, I could never do that. Why would you want to do THAT? I want everything they can give me!”

So let me break it down for you. I can’t believe that women will eat “right”, take all the “right” prenatal vitamins, pick out nontoxic bottles, toys and whatever else for there tot but wont blink an eye about pumping carcinogens into the baby via their epidural for nothing more than the sake of their comfort.
The fact of the matter is that child birth hurts – yes we know this. But what you might not know is that the commonly used drug Pitocin, given to mother to either induce labor or to “speed things up” (bc your Dr wants to get home for the game), makes labor incredibly harder, closer together, and longer. Thus leading to a request of an epidural, which slows down labor, so they give you more Pitocin. Now you cant feel shit so you think everything’s going fine as you follow your Dr’s orders like a lemming, but where’s the epidural for your kid? So they ramp up and slow down your labor just to ramp it up again and the whole time you child is paying for your (and the dr’s, no doubt) comfort.
And every one is surprised when the baby goes into distress and they wheel you off to get sliced open like a fish…
So no, my baby will not be cracked out of its mind the first few hours of its life, I will not be more susceptible to post-partum depression because I have chemicals blocking my naturally occurring bonding hormones, and I will not be trying to sneak my way out of the most exciting experience of my life for fear of discomfort.
God made my body like He’s been making the bodies of women for hundreds of years who birthed naturally and I’m confident in his design.
Nicole Eaton is not too posh to push, and if you’re not confident in that, you don’t know Nicole.